Weight a minute, did you just say the F word?

You know the one, that terrible word that places a stigma on you, sometimes for life. That's right, I am FAT! OMG!

Maybe it's because I did not grow up fat, but rather started to put on weight in my teenage years, but I just don't get the deal. Of course, it is not healthy. Neither is smoking, drinking alcohol on any kind of regular basis, driving over the speed limit, and any number of other habits. Plus, unlike all those habits, my fat hurts me, not anyone else. Don't get me wrong. I don't choose to be this way. I am working hard on it, particularly now that I have a young child and am getting older. I do not condone it. But, why is it okay to make fun of fat people? Why do people actually feel superior to fat people? In reality, I am sure most don't, but it does make them feel better to look down on us. For the longest time I was puzzled when I read stories of overweight woman being called names on the street. I have never experienced this. Maybe I just don't notice. I sure don't give an F. What I have dealt with is the fact that most people immediatly assume that I am timid because of my weight. When this is not found to be the case, I must be a bitch. A fat bitch. Okay, I am FAT, telling me that does not hurt me. It is a fact. Also a fact, sometimes I am a bitch. The word I do find offensive is intimidating. Hmm. A strong, smart, funny, nice FAT woman is intimidating. Argghh!

Then there is the loaded question, "When are you due?" MY usual response is, "I am not pregnant", sometimes preceded by a puzzled "What?" Oh the irony of going through a miscarriage while working with the public and being asked that question. Those times, my response was pretty indignant. Most the time, the question was posed by an ingnorant idiot. Sometimes it was just facetious. Ironically, when I actually WAS pregnant, few people asked, until my third trimester when they would say "any day now". To which I would say "I hope not", since I was still two months or more away from my due date. As much as I preach tolerance, I have a very low tolerance for stupid people. I'm just saying.

Of course, being heavey, I must be unable to perform any physical activity. I must go through the drive thru and order multiple Big Macs, which I have never had, by the way. I worked a very physical job for over twenty years. I could out walk any 16 year old I hired. Am I in the best shape? No. But I have always had a fire in my belly. My big belly:) I can pretty much do what I want. My particular problem, fueled by the insulin resistance that causes my pcos, is that I need alot of activity to lose weight. The eating habits I have now are actually pretty good. Could I eat less many days? Probably. I am an extremely picky eater, a subject for another day.

I do think the part of the country I live in may make a difference. The first time I went to my husbands hometown, which is on the east coast, I was sitting next to him in a church pew at his brothers wedding rehearsal, and when he introduced himself to someone from the wedding party, she turned to a woman sitting behind us and asked her if she was Ann. Because, of course this FAT woman next to him could not be his fiance! A similiar incident happened on a subsequent trip. Though, it has happened a couple times here, when I went out with my hubby and an overweight male friend, that it was assumed that the two FATTYS were together. Bizarre!

I really think that I have spent my adult years FAT for a reason. I have a much thicker skin, and a very different perspective than I would have had if I never gained all the weight. Of course, I hope to get the unFAT perspective, too. And, I hope to instill in my daughter to treat everyone with the same respect, including herself, fat or thin.