Sorry.

Last post July 11th. Yikes. In my poor defense, I have been better with my other blog. I am thinking of combining the two. I just need to come up with a name. My other blog is about my weight loss journey. Really, I could do a ton of blogs. A toddler blog, infertility blog, the list could go on. That was kind of the idea with this blog though. To encompass everything. That was before I started WW though.

Currently, I am still job hunting. My daughter started preschool this week. I have an event on Saturday that I am helping run at church. Add in physical therapy for a knee issue, various meetings, Bunco, etc., the last two weeks have been very busy. I interviewed for a great job last week, but didn't get it. I am getting very discouraged. I know I just need to persevere. I am praying a lot!

Must. Clear. Head.

As those who know me well know, my brain is a whirling albatross that runs 24/7 at a very high speed. And where ever it stops, I must disembark the thoughts. Which drives my hubby crazy. So, right now I am overwhelmed with all the projects/commitments/thoughts running through my head.

Today, for the first time in days, Sophie took a nap. So I was able to work on some things. When she doesn't take a nap, I only have the evening to work on things, and my brain is usually mush, so I watch tv and read my various message boards, blogs, and Facebook. I do some job applying, if I am not too tired. When she does take a nap, I usually do some housework. But today I finally sat down and wrote out what I needed to get done, and in what order. I am in charge of something for my moms group this year, and I was able to get some work done on that. The thing is, I have to rely on someone else on this project, and she is very slow in responding to my emails. But I got my part done for now, and will await her reply. The next thing I have to do is decide what I am doing about Sophie's birthday. But I have to wait and see if Chet is going to get the time off before I can plan a party. I am terrible about making decisions about this sort of things. And Chet is no help. My practical side says I have no business spending money on a party when I don't have a job. My mommy side says that I should do it while I don't have to worry about having to work. Yikes.

Money. That is the other thing blaring in my brain. To keep the amount I want to have in savings, I need to start working by mid August. But there is so much going on this summer, that I would like to wait until September. Which would be okay, because I could just start building up savings again. If I got a full time, retail management job. But that does not work well with family life. I applied last week for two great jobs, neither would be nearly the money I made before, but they would give me a great work/life balance. And we may have to cut some things out, and possibly refinance the house. But I haven't heard anything yet. I am crossing my fingers.

More media-mania

So, I have established my disdain for the media, our local outlets in particular. A couple of weeks ago there was an incident in Seattle. A Seattle police officer attempted to cite four girls for jaywalking across a busy street. Instead of stepping to the side and showing their id as requested, one starts to just walk away. So of course the officer grabs her arm and tries to arrest her. At which time her friend tries to stop the officer by pushing him away from her friend. So the officer punches said girl in the face. Meanwhile, a crowd has gathered, including a complete moron getting all on video, all the while giving us his intelligent feedback. There were lots of people recording with their cell phones, but this video that has gone viral was recorded by some dude with the intelligence of a nat. Over and over we get to hear, "Are you serious?" in what I can only describe as the dumbest voice I have ever heard. Along with lots of swearing. He also shares with the crowd that this video is going straight to CNN, ABC, "all those". He's going to get rich, man. Frickin idiot. Not only were the two girls stupid enough to think they could resist a police officer, it seemed that most of the crowd thought they had hit the jackpot. Like they were watching the next Rodney King and they were going to cash in. It never occurred to them that the girls were in the wrong. Who is raising these morons?

But wait! It appears they were justified in their thinking, wrong as it was. Because the media went wild with this one. Over and over we see a still image of the officer hitting the girl. Mind you, we have lost seven police officers in the line of duty in less than a year. Including 4 shot while drinking coffee in a coffee shop and one doing paperwork in his patrol car. Yet the media is making this guy look like he was in the wrong. And the Chief of Police, who is only an interim Chief but is up for the job, is not fully backing his officer. What the hell? Did I mention that the girls and most of the crowd were black, and the officer was white? Shouldn't matter, right? But of course it does. The NCAAP was on this like white on rice. A white officer punched a black minor girl in the face!! It must be because she is black!! Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that she was interfering with an officers duties?! This video went viral, and literally was viewed all over the world. Now, if you just read a news article and saw the image of him punching her, you would get the idea that he was totally in the wrong. But if you watch the whole video, if you can deal with all the cussing and ignoramous people, you will see this officer showed great restraint. He calmly asked video moron to step back, but told him he could still record. The punch was a very clear tactical move, not a violent reaction. He could have put her on the ground, and still be following policy. But here he had a growing, irate crowd. He could easily have been overcome by the crowd and shot with his own gun. He handled the situation very well. Yet over and over I keep reading comments that he needs more training. I loved the response from the person that said yeah, training in how to use a taser.

Why, why is the media not backing our officers? Because God forbid they not be politically correct! Are these stupid morons the ones watching our backs? Umm, no. It is the officers that risk their lives everyday to protect us all, including the morons and the freakin media idiots. As a matter of fact, this all started when the officer tried to teach four dumb girls the lesson that if they run across a five lane highway, they might be killed. What an asshole.

Headache from hell

So, I have now had a headache for ten days straight. I went to the doctor last Friday, got meds, already finished the antibiotic, and still, I have the sinus headache from hell! I have tried just about every cold and allergy medicine/remedy out there. Usually three Excedrin will knock the headache right out, but no such luck this time.

In the midst of the ten day headache, I am still expected to function, imagine that. Yesterday Sophie and I stayed home and cleaned out my insane linen closet. Not the smartest thing to do when you already have sinus drainage filling your head, ears and throat. Needless to say, I was having major asthma issues yesterday. Five bags of old bedding and kitchen linens later, the closet looks so pretty! The garbage bags are still in my entry, even though I went right by the Good Will truck today.

Today I took Sophie to the park for a picnic lunch with my moms group. Despite my headache and the January weather conditions in mid June, we had a great time. Just remind me never to take a cranky, tired, full of frosted animal cookies toddler to the store when I already have a pounding headache. I had been wanting to go all week to Fred Meyer, and today was the last day of the 25% off coupon I had. I wanted to pick up a few things for Sophie, and I ventured over to look at shoes for myself. Since I have lost a little fat in my feet, I really want some cute shoes. Needless to say, we left with cute new shoes for Sophie. They were a really good deal. And her spring tennies have been worn to shreds since sandal weather still hasn't started. By the time we got to the checkout Sophie had ran away once and had at least three melt downs. I was happy she was entertaining herself with the cart, but the stupid checkout lady kept saying "Mam, she can't do that". Lest you think I am just being mean, this lady has helped me many times, is slower than frickin molasses, and has undercharged me more than once. Mind you, in my past life, I had to scold many a child for their antics, usually directly since the parents were no where to be found. I would speak directly to the parent if they were there and letting their kids climb on the racks like monkey bars, but I never scolded anyone for letting their child push the shopping cart. Payback is a bitch, I guess. Three more melt downs later and we got home where Chet put Sophie down for a nap.

Tomorrow I have an interview. And for the first time since I have been looking, I think I will actually go. I just hope my headache goes away so I don't sound like a blubbering idiot.

Driving part 2

Okay, I am guessing by the lack of comments on my last post that either a) No one read it, or b) I touched a few nerves. Either way is okay, since this is really just an outlet for me to vent. And even then, there are some subjects I feel I can not write about, because I know there are people who may read my blog that will get upset.

Anyway, I do have some things to add on the driving subject. The day after I wrote that blog, Chet was driving me home from the doctor and we drove passed the high school where the boys that died last week were set to graduate from. There is a large memorial set up that you can see from the street. Many times over the years I have tried to get through to Chet about how important it is to drive carefully. Just a few minutes before this we were leaving the parking lot of the drugstore, and as Chet went to turn left to get to the driveway, a car was coming very fast towards us. Chet honked and slammed on his breaks. The guy had his hands in the air, like what was Chet's problem. Technically, the guy had the right away. But if he wasn't speeding through the parking lot, Chet would have had plenty of time to turn. But the guy stepped on the gas, and if Chet had continued to turn, he would have run right into us, right where I was sitting. So Chet was all mad, and said since the guy was speeding, he would have been in the wrong. And I told him, if we were both dead, what would it matter who was in the wrong?! Besides, the guy had the right away, whether he was speeding or not.

In the accident that killed the two young men last week, it happened to be a guy that was drinking that ran into them. But the fact is, they were stalled in the middle of a busy interstate. Anyone that was impaired in any way, be it by speeding, or just turning to talk to someone next to them, could have ran into them. Someone that was going 80 miles an hour at 10:30 at night, up a hill, would not have had time to stop suddenly. Maybe they could have swerved, if there was no one on either side of them. There have been many accidents where drivers have swerved and hit a car stalled on the shoulder.

All of us who drive need to be so cautious at all times. I am far from perfect. Yes, I talk on my phone. I know I can do it and still pay attention to the road, and I always leave lots of room in front of me. I have been trying not use my phone in the car for months, but sometimes I have to. I do have a blue tooth headphone that I have had for years. But I still have to dial from my phone. The thing is, if I have an emergency, I will make a call. If I get pulled over, I get pulled over. Talking on your phone, unless it's hands free, has been illegal here for two and a half years. However, it was not a primary offense, meaning that you couldn't get pulled over for it, but could get a ticket if you were pulled over for another reason, and were also caught talking on the phone. Now it is a primary offense, so you can get pulled over if an officer see's you talking on your phone and driving. The first day this went into effect, the local news had a lawyer on saying that anyone that get's a ticket can challenge it. And, they showed cops out patrolling for drivers on their cell phones. I have even called people who say they are driving, so they have to be careful to not get caught. So essentially for this law, or any driving law to really work and have a large impact, there needs to be cops or highway patrol officers lined up along every stretch of highway, because some drivers, unless they think there is one around, aren't going to follow the laws. The thought of hurting or maiming themselves or others is not enough. Or maybe they just haven't been personally affected by an accident, or think that bad things can't happen to them.

To me it is like the whole abortion argument. If someone is morally willing to kill an unborn child, they will do it whether it is legal or not. And while I do not agree with abortion in the least, making it illegal will not stop it. If we could just cut down on all the violence, and educate people on the value of life, and that when it is over, it is over, maybe the next generations can make better decisions. Like driving carefully, preventing unwanted pregnancy, and generally treating themselves and others with respect. We don't need more laws and more rules. We need people to care enough about themselves and others to treat all life with respect.

Driving is a privilege, not a right.

Last night, two 18 year old young men from the high school near me died in a car accident on the freeway. The car stalled on the interstate, in the mid left lane. The driver put his hazards on, he and his passengers kept their seat belts on, headlights were on, and the driver dialed 911 for help. And then blacked out. A driver, suspected to be drunk and with a drunk driving record, slammed into them. The two men in the back died, one at the scene, one today at the hospital. The driver survived with non life threatening injuries. Two young promising lives, just about to graduate, gone. Over. Done. Another totally senseless fatal accident.

In this new high tech, gimme, gimme world, we have created a society lacking in personal responsibility. While Americans complain about less and less rights, we lose more and more. Why? Because adults have to be TOLD and ENFORCED not to drink and drive. Don't get in the car and not put on your seat belt, don't get in your car and text. More and more laws. Because our society is getting dumber and dumber. So teaching people how to drive, making them take a test, and buy insurance is not enough. We must pass laws, pay law enforcement, and give them incentives to stop drivers that don't wear their seat belt, are texting, making calls, driving drunk, and driving stupid. Because why should people be expected to do these things on their own?

Well, let me tell you, they don't. I would love to say I don't know people who have driven drunk, but I do. I have heard grown adults brag about it. For the longest time I have ignored the ignorant 20 somethings that brag about speeding and multiple driving violations. I dared to call out a grown woman complaining on Facebook about drivers not going 80 in the left lane on this very stretch of freeway. The same one my hubby drives twice a day.

I would also like to say I have never made a mistake driving, but I can't. I do drive defensively at all times. I get honked at, cussed at, and passed all the time. But I don't walk through life with my head in the sand, and I try not to drive that way either.

Really, taxpayers have to pay for law enforcement to sit and watch for drivers not wearing their seat belt. Nevermind that there are stupid, drunk, speeding reckless drivers flying by. They are there to pull over Joe idiot that has chosen not to buckle up. Knowing that if they get hit, they may fly out the window. Don't get me started about child safety. I finally turned my daughter around to forward facing when she was getting leg cramps. I pray every minute of the day that nothing happens to her anyway, so I buckle her up forward facing and pray that some dumb ass that had to drink and drive, or harried mom that thinks it is okay to go 80 miles an hour and text does not cross our paths.

You may think I am just a bitter survivor of a beautiful, full of potential 18 year old sister that died in a totally senseless accident. The thing is, I was being called granny driver long before Cathy died. I always worried when my parents or sisters were very late getting home. Premonition? Maybe. Most people would not play Russian roulette with a rifle, but there are millions of people that do it with a ton of metal. And lots of them brag on Facebook about it. I'm sure some precentage of them drive like a granny too, but just think it is cool to say they drive at break neck speeds. But most really do drive like that. I see it every day. Fucking idiots. I think everyone of them needs to see a computer image of themselves crushed beyond recognition. Because in our self centered world, maybe that will knock some reality into them. Or maybe not.

Banner day

I suppose I should start posting again. It is just hard when nobody ever reads my posts. Oh well. Today is a banner day because I am officially in "Onderland". I briefly visited in 1995. Other than that, I was probably 19 or 20 when I first went over 200. In the seventh grade I weighed 79 pounds. From there I went up, up, up. I know I was around 180 when I graduated high school. So as an adult I have never been a normal weight. As a kid, I was a normal weight. I think that is why I am a little different than most overweight people. I am not intimidated just because I am fat and others are not. However, being fat has greatly affected me. On the off chance I am ever a normal weight, I wonder what that will be like. Only 44 pounds to go to be within the normal range for my height. Maybe, just maybe I will find out! One day...

High school sucked

I hated high school. HATED IT!! It is hard to be a teenager and have no self esteem. I did develop a small group of friends, which was great. But overall, I sucked at being social, and that made high school miserable. I have often said that I am so glad we didn't have the internet back then. The bullying that goes on now is at a whole other level, thanks to the internet, texting, Facebook, etc. I am hoping that by the time Sophie is that age, things will change a little. Probably not.

Sometimes, I still feel like I am in high school. I really like Facebook. It comes in handy when you have family that lives out of state. It is so easy to post pictures and stay in touch. But there are some downsides. I try to mainly have friends on there that I know in real life. Most are in some way related to me, or I know them through church. Only a handful are from high school. I don't have a lot of friends on there, so when one drops off, I notice. And I go looking to see who it was. So today I notice one has dropped off. This person still has the same mutual friends. I was the only one deleted. What did I do? I did respond to someone else with a slightly off color joke, and I used the word "butt" in my status. Other than that, I can't imagine what was offensive. And this is someone I see on a weekly basis. I guess I will just ignore it. I will see if I am treated differently next time I see her. I did notice she wasn't too friendly today, but she is kind of quiet in general. I just feel like crap. Like I am fifeteen again. And I am 43.

Healthcare?

Okay, first off let me say that I pay little attention to the news and politics. I hate the news. It is dreary, often repeated, and I have yet to find an anchor that can speak without tons of mistakes. We only get our free City newspaper twice a week, and half the time it doesn't show. So I really don't know a lot of what is going on. So now that they passed Healthcare "reform" I decided I better read the details. Okay, insurance companies can no longer turn you down for coverage based on a pre existing condition. I think that is great. Say you have a chronic illness, you lose or change jobs, you should be able to PAY for insurance for Christ's sake. But, come 2014, if you choose not to have health insurance for whatever reason, you will be fined. That is freaking insane. Some people choose not to have insurance and just pay out of pocket if they have to go to the doctor. This is still America, right? We do still have the right? Well, I guess not. I find this very scary. If we are going to go there, where is it going to end? Pretty soon adults that don't work will be fined. After all, if you don't have a job, you aren't paying taxes. And they are going to need a hell of a lot of tax money to pay for this crappy "reform". Is insurance going to be cheaper? No. I am sure it will be going up. Is the government going to provide healthcare, like many other countries? No. We will still be paying out the butt for it, our taxes will be higher, and no doubt they will add special tax to over the counter medicines. And every other freaking thing we buy. Have I mentioned before that I regret giving Obama my vote?! I will guarantee he will not be getting it in 2012, unless the Republicans trot out someone horrible.

March?!

Wow, I suck at blogging! I missed all of February. Though, I have been pretty busy. I have been exercising every night, doing either 20 or 30 minutes of Walk Away the Pounds. I am getting frustrated though, because I have not been losing the last couple of weeks. Two weeks ago I hit 40 total lost, but then I maintained last week. This week I don't expect to lose either. Weigh in is tomorrow, but I was up two on Sunday, and back to last week's weight this morning. I have been sick for over two weeks now. I'm not sure if it is a cold or allergies, though I think it is a little of both. My face is really puffy, so that may be where some of the weight is. Hopefully I will start losing again soon!

Today I signed Sophie up for preschool, starting in the fall. It is so exciting yet sad at the same time. Time has gone by so fast! I know she will enjoy it, because she is very busy, and she needs the interaction. She already recognizes a lot of her letters and numbers. Also, she is very verbal, but in social situations she tends not to talk a lot, especially to other adults. So I think this will help. And, she will be one of the youngest, if no the youngest in the class. I think that will be to her advantage, because she picks up things from other kids and if she was the oldest, she might be bored. I can't wait to get her a back pack for school! Not to mention a wardrobe :-) I guess I better hurry up and get a job!

Unbloggyish

Sorry, I have been very unbloggyish lately. Not that I have nothing to blog about. There is just to much running around in my head and by the time I can sit down and blog it is all jumbled up in there :-). I had a little stall in my weight loss, so I have been trying to work out every night. I did do 6 out of 7 nights last week. I have been doing the one mile walk away the pounds, and trying to use my three pound weights while I do it. At weigh in on Tuesday I had lost 5 pounds for the week, which was more then I lost in the previous month. I hope I don't gain this week. I am at 35 total lost right now, and my goal was the hit 50 by my bday in March. I may come close.

Last Sunday was my sister Cathy's birthday. She would have been 42. Since we were only 10 months apart we were always the same age for almost two months. Oddly, Chet's birthday is 6 days later, on January 30th, so he and I are the same age for almost two months. We went and hung out at my parents house on what would have been Cathy's birthday. I posted in my FB status that it was her birthday and received some very nice responses. One was from her boyfriend at the time she died. He was driving, and though the accident was ruled no fault, my father has never gotten over the fact her boyfriend was driving. My dad can hold a grudge forever, and he is very bitter. So, he was very surprised to learn that I had been in touch with this person via Facebook. My mom on the other hand was very glad to read his message. Cathy was 18 when she died, and her boyfriend had just turned 17. He had minor injuries in the accident. At first he came around a lot. A few months after she died he started dating a girl that was within their circle of friends. She is a cousin of one of Cathy's good friends. After that he stopped coming around. I am not sure exactly what happened. I don't know if he could detect my dad's bitterness, or he was just uncomfortable. He was so young. I can't imagine going through that even at my age. Now he and that girlfriend have been happily married for many years and have three kids. Their first child has Catherine as her middle name, just like Sophie. I wish we would all have stayed in touch over the years. I know myself, my sisters and my mom would like to have but my dad is another story. He just doesn't like to deal with things sometimes. I do know they have gone back and read the messages again, so I am sure my dad was touched by it too. He would never admit it though.

THIRTY,THIRTY, THIRTY, THIRTY!

Today I FINALLY hit 30 pounds lost. I thought I would do it two weeks ago, but I only lost one pound. Then last week I thought it was a sure thing, but no, I lost ZERO. So today I weighed in and I lost two pounds, to hit 30 exactly, woo hoo! My next goal is to hit 50 by my birthday. Well, the day after, since my birthday is on a Monday. That means 20 pounds in 11 weeks. Maybe I can do it in ten? I know I need to up my exercise and my veggie/fruit intake and I can do it. Once I hit 50, I will want to lose another 25 in three months, so by the first day of summer. That would put me at the weight I was as a senior in highschool, and I grew an inch or more after highschool. I want to wear sleeveless shirts this summer! If I averaged two pounds a week, I will do it! Plus, I think we are having a 25 year highschool reunion this summer. I didn't go to the two previous ones, but now that I am in touch via Facebook with some classmates, maybe I will. Why couldn't it be next year?! By then I will look good :-) Unless I am pregnant. Yes, I am turning 43 in two months and still hoping for another baby. Have I mentioned how happy I am that I decided to join Weight Watchers?!