My name is Ann, and I chose to formula feed.

The breastfeeding question came up years and years ago, with my husband. Both his mother and sister had breastfed, and it was something he was rather set on. From the get go, I knew I did not want to breastfeed. We had this conversation a few times throughout the years, even before I went off the pill. Right along side the whole "I can't be in the delivery room because I faint at the site of blood" arguement. Needless to say, he was in the delivery room, cut the cord, and helped me formula feed our daughter for her first year. He did have to go in the bathroom and throw up when I got the epidural, and then dissapeared for hours while I was in labor, but he was there for the important part.

After the suprise of finding out I was pregnant after years of trying and no fertility help at the time, I had a rough pregnancy. I was on bedrest most of the first trimester for an internal bleed. I was worried sick the whole time about the baby. I also agonized my entire pregnancy over the breastfeeding vs. formula feeding question. I had to go back to work, and there was no where to pump there. I needed to go right back on my medicine. I also have a long history of depression, and was worried about needing meds for that. Plus, I knew I would be very stressed out about breastfeeding. If I formula fed, Chet could help with feedings. I was 40, married for ten years, and in for quite an adjustment, according to my Ob, anyway. Throughout the pregnancy, I discussed my decision with my OB at all my appointments. Of course, she thought breastfeeding for six months would be best, but she did not pressure me. I felt alot of pressure from outside sources. Breast is best, after all. Yada, Yada, Yada. I knew in my heart, it was not for me. MY OB would only write me a prescription for my medication if I wasn't going to breastfeed. I take metformin, which is a diabetic drug, but I take it for the pcos and insulin resistance I have. Had she allowed me to be on it my entire pregnancy, I most likely would not have had gestational diabetes, because it keeps my sugars in check. So, by the time I was going to be induced at 39 weeks, I had made a firm decision. I would formula feed.

Every nurse that was in and out of my room from check in to check out wanted to know why I wasn't breastfeeding. The pediatrician was fine with it. The nurses, not so much. I just told everyone that asked that I had to be on medication. Two new nurses came in when they were getting ready to check us out, and my hubby had left the room. I gave them my pat answer. Sure as shit, they come back in saying it's okay, that's a class B drug, you can still breastfeed. Do you want to try? We will help you. I sat there speechless. They almost talked me into it. I told them my OB wasn't comfortable with it. They backed off. I really don't understand why people are so invested in how others feed their babies. I could have said I just don't want to. Or, I have been through hell, I have my miracle, I just want to sit back and enjoy her. It was in my chart that I was formula feeding. Just leave it at that. Why is it their business?! I went back to work when Sophie was nine weeks old, and was asked if I was breastfeeding. When I said no, one person actually said "Oh nevermind, it's you". What the eff? Like something in my personality screams evil formula feeder!

Now, I will admit there were a coule of times that I couldn't get Sophie to drink her formula and tried to give her the breast. My milk did come in, something else I was worried about. She wouldn't take it, which is probably a good thing. I know I did the right thing for us. As it turned out, we had an easy adjustment. Every day was like Christmas, and still is. Formula feeding was absolutly the right decision for us. Sophie never got sick until she was 13 months old and went to the Church nursery for a couple hours. She has only had a couple colds since, always two days after going to the nursery, and all mild. She is a smart, healthy little girl. I do not feel I harmed her by formula feeding her. I do feel that had I gone against my instinct and breastfed her, I would not have given her the best of myself. I admire anyone that brestfeeds. I think that's great. But, it is not for me, and that doesn't make me an inferior mom. Just an outcast as usual, a role I'm used to.