Where did it go?

Where is my fire, my gumption, my non doormat personality. I swear staying at home the last year has changed me. I suppose it is because I am trying so hard to be social that I am not really being myself. Bullshit that I would never put up with at work, within my family, or even in public I seem to be putting up with in my new social circle. I am starting to see why I have avoided this all my adult life. I have a few good friends, my hubby, my family and that was enough. But having Sophie, I need to network with other moms. Don't get me wrong, I have met lots of very nice parents and their kids. I am grateful. But, I am starting to feel walked on, and I don't like it one bit. I just am too afraid to piss someone off that I smile and comply. Like, I ended up babysitting, which was masked as a "playdate", sent in an email. I hate bullshit. If I put up with that crap I would have gone a lot further in my career, believe me. If you want me to watch your kids, call and ask. Don't mask it in a very vague email. Then, when the kids where brought over, their mom basically told me, twice, to stay in my playroom with them!! So I actually sat in there with them, getting hot and suffocated and fuming. Eventually I ran out to my kitchen to get my water. How insane is that? Of course I ended up taking them out to our open living area, and Sophie's room. She said she was afraid her little one would break something. Well, the biggest danger was him playing with the t.v. in the playroom. If you want to trick me into babysitting your kids, trust me enough to have them wherever!! My house is not big, and it is pretty child safe. It just makes me wonder, am I putting something out there that's says I can be walked on? After all these years of being called intimidating, harsh, bold, blah, blah, blah?! Obviously I need to find a balance. There are people that can tell it like it is in a way that doesn't offend anyone, but I don't have that gift. How I wish I did!