Goodbye 2009

Wow, what a year. A very strange, satisfying year. I started out at the end of 2008 thinking I would be working within the first six months of the year, and here I am still at home with Sophie.

Of course, the worst part of this year was having to put Simon down. Last New Years Eve Chet and I went to see "Marley and Me", and we both were crying at the end. Chet was crying so hard I had to drive home. Wee knew at that time Simon didn't have long, but I thought he would make it through the year. I still cry every time I look at his picture, or think about him, or talk about him. Losing him was very sad and hard. At first I thought we would get a new puppy as soon as possible, but right now I don't know that any of us are ready for that. We are working well as our little family of four.


One week before we put Simon down I started Weight Watchers. So far I have lost 28 pounds. I didn't have a great week last week, I didn't lose or gain. I wanted to hit 30 by the Ne Year, but hopefully next week. One of main goals during my time at home was to lose weight, and all I did was gain 10 pounds. While I wish I would have started when I quit my job, I am so happy I am doing it now.

Overall, this is has been a very different year for me. Being at home, in full mommy mode has been wonderful. While it has cost us a lot of money, it has well been worth it. So maybe I will have to work a little longer into my golden years, but I would not give up this time for anything. Besides having precious time with my girl, it has enabled me to spread my wings socially in a way I never have. I have made some wonderful friends and shed a little bit of my social awkwardness. Sophie and I have spent a lot of time doing fun things, like play dates and different outings we never would have done before. So even after I go back to work, I know I will have this great network of mom friends that I can count on.

2010 promises to bring a lot of changes. Hopefully an exciting new job in a somewhat different field. While I would love to stay home until Sophie starts school, I know that is probably not in the cards. But whatever happens, I know it will be a great year because I have Chet, Sophie and Toby.

Christmas 2009

Since I am not working yet, I decided to really enjoy this Christmas season and pack as many fun things in as possible. Chet Sophie and I went to Zoolights the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we went to downtown Seattle, Sophie and I made a few trips to my favorite mall, we met different friends at fun and festive places, and we had a toddler cookie decorating party. This week was going to be more low key. We had fun on Monday, meeting my cousin and her son at a favorite store and then having lunch. Tuesday was a stay at home day, to do some cleaning, wrapping, etc. Tuesday night Sophie had a runny nose and was a little fussy. Sure enough, Wednesday morning when I went to get her, her cheeks were bright red and she cried when I picked her up because she was achy. We were supposed to go to my parents that day, but instead my mom came over. I called the doctors office and the nurse called back and said it sounded like a cold, give her tylenol and watch her. Thursday we stayed home again, baking cookies for Santa and doing more cleaning and laundry. Chet picked up pizza for us and we had Sophie open a couple of gifts. Daddy read her The Night Before Christmas, and then we put her to bed. Chet started putting together a table and chairs my parents bought her, and I got ready to go to Mass by myself. Mass was very nice. The choir sung all my favorite Christmas songs, and the homily was very unique as usual with our Parish Priest. I notice on my way to Church that there were lots of lights, more than usual. I realized I hadn't really been out at night since the first weekend in December when Sophie and I went driving around to look at lights.

Christmas morning, Sophie still didn't feel good. She wanted milk, so Daddy got her milk and we went out to see if Santa had come. If she was not sick I know she would have been more excited. Chet and I really didn't get her a ton of stuff, but combined with everyone else, it was a lot. After a while she really got into unwrapping things. She loved her stocking. I am glad I decided to wrap everything, even the Dora bandaids. I think that was her favorite part. She later pulled everything out to show my parents, and did that again today to show me. I put all the stocking stuff away now, so I hope she isn't upset tomorrow. Her stocking was full of basic stuff, like a Hello Kitty toothbrush, Dora big girl panties, socks, ponytail holders, etc. I think she would have been happy with just that stuff. Santa brought her a kids digital camera, because he must know how much she likes taking pictures. Daddy drew her name in the name drawing we do with my family, and got her a new baby doll. We got her some dress up clothes, a little chair for her doll, a new nightgown, a step stool I got at Target really cheap, and an Elmo Goes Potty video. All told, we only spent about $100. We actually spend less now than we did before we had Sophie, because we used to spend a lot more on each other. Of course my parents got her a ton of stuff, and she also got a lot of things from Chet's mom, and all of her aunties and uncles, including her honorary auntie, my bff. We really don't buy her things throughout the year, other than clothes, so I am fine with her being a little spoiled on Christmas and her birthday. My parents came in the afternoon, bringing her more things of course. So she played with Grandma and Grandpa and I made a roast with carrots, garlic mashed potatoes and rolls. Then my parents left and we bundled up Sophie and went driving around looking at lights. That was very nice. When we got home we all pretty much crashed. All in all it was a very wonderful and special Christmas, even though Sophie was sick. Since she stared holding and pulling her ears last night I called the doctor first thing this morning and we got in today. Luckily we got to see her pedi, and she has a bad double ear infection. So now we have antibiotics and hopefully it can clear up soon. I have spent many a Christmas sick, so I hope Sophie doesn't ever get sick again on Christmas. It's no fun.

Nine weeks/eight weeks

So, today is nine weeks since I started weight watchers. My weigh in was this morning, and I lost a pound since last week. My previous four weeks were better numbers, so that didn't surprise me. I have lost a total of 28 pounds in 9 weeks. I was hoping to hit 30 by Christmas, but New Years would be good too. We'll see.

Today is 8 weeks since we had to put our pug Simon down. I can't believe it has been that long. I miss him so much. Our other Pug Toby is still out of sorts. Sophie still mentions Simon, but I think she gets that he is gone. I can't see his picture or think about him or talk about him with out crying. But of course I do look at his picture, talk about him, think about him, and cry. I have to. That's just how I am.

Christmas is coming!!

I love Christmas. I love the lights, the decorations, the tree, the carols, the whole Christmas atmosphere. My favorite thing is the Christmas spirit. These days, it is sometimes hard to find. Everyone gets so caught up in shopping, parties, getting things done, that instead of having a Christmas spirit, they are crabbier than normal. So not the idea of Christmas, I think. The first time I realized that not everyone was happy and jolly at Christmas time was in 1987. I started working in 1986, but my sister died in a car accident that Thanksgiving, and I didn't go back to work until a couple of weeks before Christmas. I was in such a haze, I don't remember that Christmas. The following year, I was excited to be at work during Christmas. I was so excited that our sometimes crabby customers would all be happy and full of glee. I was bitterly disappointed to discover that people were actually worse during Christmas. Each year, it only got worse. Growing up, we had lots of family traditions at Christmas. I remember being 7 years old and running home to see that my mom had put lights in the windows. We decorated Christmas cookies, we went downtown to see Santa, we went to Mass and dinner on Christmas Eve. Our extended family has always had a Christmas party the Sunday before Christmas. Growing up we all drew names, so that was the first gift of the season. A precursor to Christmas, so to speak. It was always fun to see who had your name. As we got older, our Christmases got bigger and bigger. As much as I loved the presents, it was not all about the day, but the season, and it still is. I love to drive around and look at Christmas decorations. I like going to the malls and seeing all the festive decor. It is a special time of year, and should feel special. I love the gatherings, the baking, the festivals, everything. All the years that I longed for a baby, Christmas time was the worse. I wanted a child to share the season with. It was apropos that I found out I was pregnant 12 days before Christmas. Then 3 days before Christmas I found out I was in danger of having my third miscarriage. I was put on bed rest. Then taken off, then put back on. Of course, the next Christmas Sophie was here, and I was working six days a week. Sophie was only four months old that Christmas, so she didn't realize what was going on, but I did. And it was the best Christmas ever. Last year I wasn't working, and we did some of our usual traditions, but then we got snowed in for the week before and many functions were canceled, much to my chagrin. This year, since I still am not working, I have made sure we do as many fun things as possible. I have packed our schedule a bit, but I am savoring every memory. I decided to spend more money on making memories than actual gifts. I really think everyone should do that. Then maybe they wouldn't be so hurried, stressed, crabby and so not in the Holiday spirit. I don't want anyone getting stressed over buying me a gift. I much rather they sit back and enjoy the season.

Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming to.

Last Sunday, four cops were gunned down in cold blood in a coffee shop while getting ready for their shifts. This happened about a half hour from our house. I found out when I was chatting online with my sister who lives out of state, and my dad called her. I turned on the tv, and it wasn't on yet, but eventually they broke into it. I just instantly felt sick to my stomach. Someone walked in to a Forza Cafe, shot the four officers, and left. That is what we knew at the time. There were two employees and a few customers there at the time. They were not hurt, physically anyway. I'm sure they will have nightmares the rest of their lives. I can't even imagine. Having worked with the public for a very long time, I of course never dealt with anything like this, but there were many times I feared for my safety. People can be very volatile and unpredictable. We dealt with the police often, when ever shoplifters were caught. Even when a cop walked in the store in uniform to look around, I instantly felt safer. I could never dream they could be executed like that.

Thanks to the heroic witnesses, they pretty quickly recovered the getaway vehicle, and in turn, had a "person of interest". By Monday morning, he was a suspect. Maurice Clemmons, a pardoned, parolee out on bail. Monday was spent searching various places he was thought to be. By Monday night, they still had not found him. By then it was reported that he may have been wounded in a struggle with one of the slain officers. It was scary thinking he was on the loose. Tuesday, I woke up to the news that he had been shot in the middle of the night by an officer acting on a report of a stolen vehicle. Thank God this officer survived his meeting with this maniac. Clemmons was shot and killed when he refused to stop, and reached for his waist band. They later found a gun belonging to the slain officer that shot him. Yes, given an extra second, he would have shot this Seattle officer with the gun of a slain Lakewood officer. Un- fucking believable. Yet, this is only half the story.

First of all, Maurice Clemmons was sentenced as a youth in Arkansas to 99 years for armed robbery. There had to be aggravated circumstances for him to get that sentence. But, he was later pardoned. At one point he violated parole and went back to jail. Then got out again. This year, he was arrested for CHILD RAPE and assault on a police officer, but made bail!!! Why a parolee accused of CHILD RAPE is eligible for bail is beyond me. Not only that, but who the hell would give him the funds to post bail??? Which leads me to:

The friends and family who posted his bail in the past, helped him after he murdered four officers in cold blood! I swear, this is so fucking disturbing to me. It gets better though! So, someone drove the getaway car. Someone else drove him to Seattle. At least two people helped him with his wound. Right now there are six accomplices in jail that I know of. I haven't watched the news today though. People helped him hide. I guess he ran out of places, as the police were on him, and ended up stealing a car and being out on the street at 2 in the morning. I don't know if he stole it himself or not. Since he had a group of stupid, fucked up people doing things for him. There was a 125k reward. Why didn't someone call, if for nothing else, to get the reward money. Maybe they were afraid of him? Or maybe afraid of friends of his. He had a gun wound in the stomach for Christ's sake. He was moving around. Someone could have called. He couldn't have been holding a gun to every ones head. But wait!! At Thanksgiving dinner, THREE DAYS before the shooting, he talked about killing people. Children, strangers at an intersection, cops. Every single fuck head at that dinner needs to be arrested. Go home, go to the other room, go for a walk, because you know they all have cell phones. Call the police, don't leave your name. Just let them know that a pardoned, paroled, out on bail violent criminal has just talked about killing random cops, people, and CHILDREN. Oh no, instead lets wait until he does it, help him, act like you don't have any idea why you are being arrested, and COMPLAIN that your shitty houses were torn up in the SEARCH. On the NEWS!!! Why the media is airing this crap, who knows. Ratings I suppose. Why else would they air footage of people saying what a great guy the fucking KILLER was!? And you know those people just want their face out there. Now there will probably be lawsuits against the police department to recoup their losses. For shit that was probably stolen in the first place, seeing as their hero was a convicted, though pardoned, burglar.

As for the media, you don't have to report every tidbit of information. Why report what he said at Thanksgiving dinner. To give ideas to the other nut jobs out there? As scary as it is that someone could walk in and kill four officers, or anyone, in cold blood, it is almost as scary that this sob had a network of support. And they are still here. And out on bail in no time, I'm sure.

Good week/bad week

It is Thanksgiving week. How it got to be late November already, I have no idea. I really love the holidays, so I do enjoy Thanksgiving week. Really, it is a short week. Wednesday is the day before, with preparing for the next day. Thanksgiving day is nice, and that night I start getting out my Christmas stuff. Up until last year, the day after was not only a crazy work day, but the start of a month of crazy days to come. And six day work weeks. Yuck. Last year I wasn't working, but I did not partake in Black Friday shopping. This year I may do a little. Some how, Chet got this weekend, and Monday off. Saturday night we hope to go to our Zoolights with Sophie. We have never done that before. My sister will be here from Wednesday until Monday, and I am really looking forward to that.

The bad part? Thanksgiving of 1986. That was my first year working, and the day before Thanksgiving was very rainy. In the morning I took my sister Cathy to work on my way to school. I was at a community college, and she was home on break from a state college. That night I got called into work. There wasn't enough gas in the car, so I had to stop in the pouring rain at my dads office to get gas. I don't remember if he gave me money, or if I filled up there, because they had their own pumps for their installers trucks. I just remember driving the family station wagon in the pouring rain. That night I was in bed when my sisters Cathy and Gina got home from a movie. My sister Cathy peeked her head into my room and asked if I wanted to go to a family brunch in the morning at her work. I said maybe, I think. Then she went back out with her boyfriend. Hours later I woke up to hear my mom on the phone. I got up, and my mom was going to Cathy's room because her boyfriends sister called and asked if Cathy was home. She wasn't. My parents thought she was asleep in bed. My mom had misunderstood. Cathy and her boyfriend had been in a car accident. John was at one hospital, and they had taken Cathy to another one, just about a mile down the hill from our house. MY mom called the hospital and was told she was in surgery, and nothing else. Then two policemen showed up at the door. as it turned out, the accident was four blocks down the street. Straight down our street. MY parents headed to the hospital and insisted we stay. I will never know why I didn't go. There was another car in the driveway. But they had said to stay. So I was there with my two other sisters, ages 17 and 13. We were praying the whole time. I was sure she would be fine. I mean, it was Thanksgiving, about 3 in the morning, maybe. Certainly God wouldn't let anything bad happen, on Thanksgiving no less. Then my parents came back. And, our parish priest. Not a good sign. Cathy had died. They operated on her, but could not save her. Cathy was ten months and two days younger than me. She was always in my life. Needless to say, life was never the same again.

Cathy died on Thanksgiving, November 27th, 1986. So, really there are two anniversaries of her death. Thanksgiving, and the 27th. Last year Thanksgiving fell on the 27th, but this year the 27th is Friday. Thanksgiving is a little weird in my family. For years it was just Chet, I and my parents. Two years ago Sophie joined us. This year one of my sisters will be here for the first time in 10 years. Four years after Cathy died, my Grandma died on Thanksgiving. And 20 years after she died, Sophie was conceived on Thanksgiving. TMI maybe, but noteworthy. It is just a strange day. Also this year, not only is the 27th the 23rd anniversary of Cathy's death, but the one month anniversary of our dog Simon's death. Cathy was an old soul from day one. And so was Simon. I am sure they have found each other in Heaven.

Simon's home

In a box. It is a very nice box, with his name embossed on the outside. Chet went to pick up his ashes on Friday. There was no way I could go. I can't even stand to drive by the vet, which is on the main road through town. Right now the box is on the top of the shelf in our living room. Normally that room isn't used very much, and everything is in it's place. But I started going through the hundreds of pictures and cards in the drawer last week, and they are all over the place. Chet wanted to put the box on the mantle, but it is not very wide, so I was afraid it would fall down. So it is in it's bag, on the top of the shelf, between two vases. We are planning on spreading his ashes at his favorite doggy park in the spring. We used to go there all the time when we lived nearby. We still took the dogs there up until my parents moved out of the area three years ago. Simon loved to swim there, and we used to go to pug parties there. Simon didn't really play well with others though. He had major Daddyitis his whole life, he loved mommy, grandma, grandpa, and his aunties. He loved Toby, but not until after he took a permanent bite out of his ear the first day they met. He loved Sophie too, even though he wanted nothing to do with mommy for two days after we brought Sophie home. But he would lay outside of her bedroom door during her naps, and he liked to come with me in the mornings to get her up. And Sophie loved him. I think she gets that he is not coming back, but I am not positive. We have been blowing kisses to him up in heaven. I'm surprised we don't hear him barking down here. Sometimes, I would swear I do:-)